Listen to Keith's songs from "Greetings from Palookaville" by launching one of the MP3 files on this page.

They taught me in school to be civil, they told me at home to be kind.
In church I was meek, I learned how to speak
kind words to my friends, to their faults be blind.

And I learned at a tender young age the merits of the golden rule.
But as I got older, I got bolder
and soon realized how fun it is to be cruel.

And how I envy those cranky old codgers, and those foul-tempered vicious old hens.
It's just a matter of time, 'til I reach my prime
and join the ranks of senior citizens.

Ch. I want to grow old so I can be rude to everyone, won't that be fun?
I won't be understanding and I won't be polite.
I'll always have the last word and I'll always be right.
When someone calls my name I will pretend not to hear,
Keep on getting better at it year after year.
I want to grow old so I can be rude to people all over the world.

I'll hang out at the supermarket and run children down with my cart.
After a while, I'll block the whole aisle
and stare at the beans like I'm lost in the dark.

Out on the road I will be careful. I'll straddle two lanes when I can.
I will creep along slowly, I'll be so holy
That traffic laws only apply now and then.

And I won't care how others regard me, I will curmudgeonly drive them away.
I'll develop a skill so ruthless and shrill -
without skipping a beat I can jump in and say

the first nasty thing that comes to mind -
a phrase sarcastically sublime.
My children will say "Oh, it's just dear old dad -
if only you'd known him when he wasn't so bad!

The finest of life's grumpy pleasures will be mine to pursue crankily.
'Twill fill me with joy to really annoy
the folks who stop by to make peace with me.

They'll think age has made me ill-tempered, but deep in their hearts there shall be
a memory of affection and love
as they wheel me off to the infirmary.


Kirby

He reeled through Virginia, he waltzed through Tennessee.
He worked in the coal mines of Ohio.
The tunnels made him bend, but the digging made him strong
and he found himself a crazy wife in Shiloh.

Kirby put the fiddle up like a kitten to his cheek
and he laughed as he laid his chin upon it.
Move a little closer, son, could you toss me that old bow.
If it's dancin' time you want, my boy, you got it.

Kirby sang a verse or two and the fiddle took the rest.
Coal-black lungs they ain't worth a damn for singing.
Mornings I would walk the path that led to Kirby's door
and I'd stay till the dinner bell was ringing.

His wife her name was Jenny and she kept the chickens fed.
She took to being sick most every winter.
In the spring and summer she was like a little girl,
but each autumn seemed to bring the snowfall sooner.

Kirby said the woman's crazy but I love her anyway,
she's the apple of my eye without the core.
She used to be so handsome that it hurt to look too long,
but she's hardly even pretty anymore.

I grew up fast and moved away, found the city life.
I was hired to sweep the hospital floor.
It was easy work and quiet, I didn't mind the pay
and I stayed there 'til I couldn't stay no more.

One night I found Kirby sleeping in the twelve-bed ward
and I swept around his bed for half an hour.
He woke up and said "Hey, doctor, what you doing with that broom?
Could you get the nurse to water these old flowers?"

I asked him where was Jenny and I saw it in his eyes -
she passed away with last winter's high snow.
I said "Kirby, where you going, where will you go from here?"
He said "Doctor, sir, I'm going back to Shiloh."


Evangeline

Her red-haired doll with rags for brains squatted over Germany
and claimed the ten-yard line for the U.S. of A.
I countered with the best I had, a cannon and a rubber band.
The war was done before we felt the rain.

Ch. In the shade of the linden, in front of the house,
between the sidewalk and the porch, on the sunny side of the street is where
I and Evangeline would meet, I and Evangeline would meet.

She freed my last front tooth that stood between me and my young manhood.
We thought that we would laugh for the rest of our lives.
I proudly would have carved her name in linden bark when I became
an older boy allowed to play with knives.

In the shade of the linden, in front of the house,
between the sidewalk and the porch, on the sunny side of the street is where
I and Evangeline would meet, I and Evangeline would meet.


Moonlight Over Kansas

Two miles from Wichita,
it's taken me thirty-four years to get two miles from Wichita.
If I don't stray I'll make it all the way.

Cheeseburger, coke and fries --
I'll eat at Martha's Diner wearing big black boots and a Cherokee disguise.
And I'll atone for leaving her alone.

Ch. She was wearing Moonlight Over Kansas on the night we met.
We danced to the tune of the old lake loon by the light of a cigarette.
She was wearing Moonlight Over Kansas when we fell in love.
And the Wichita night sent the pale moonlight like perfume from above.

Two miles said the highway sign.
I won't stop until I step across the Wichita city line.
I'm feeling tall, so well I do recall that...


Venus

On the day that I was born they say the wind was howling.
They say that they had never seen such a driving rain.
They say that my poor mama left a troubled life behind her
when she found a final end to her pain.

And on the day that I was born big sister cried a river.
She washed me up while mama tried to whisper goodby.
My sister promised she would always remind me
of the last words mama said before she died. Mama said...

Ch. Look for me in the morning star. Rest your sleepy eyes on Venus.
By her light that shines so bright you will know that the angels have seen us.

I still recall the day that I turned seven
big sister fairly carried me up the creeky stairs
of a big grey house that wanted for some children.
She said we might as well be here as anywhere.

And through the long years and across the dreary miles
and in the homes where the foster families would take us on
we always found a window where we hung a faded curtain
that we twirled through our fingers come the dawn.

Now big sister always was one of the county's greatest beauties
but the boys in town knew somehow that they never had a chance.
She held me to her heart like a hobo holds his freedom,
like a leader of the band who cannot dance.

And on the day that I married big sister cried a river.
She looked me over just before she marched me down the aisle.
She asked "Did you see old Venus shine this morning?"
I said "Yes I had, and momma talked to me awhile." And momma said...

On a day the sky was blue, I cried me a river.
The light shown through the window of the hospital room
and I rested while my newborn baby girl slept through her feeding.
I swear I saw the morning star that afternoon.

Now big sister lives with us, forever if she wants to.
She loves my little girl the way she loved me long ago.
And if I can I'll give my little girl a little sister -
both of them together they will know that momma said...


Palookaville

I was ready, willing and able, sat down at the poker table
showed the dealer my best casual smile.
I got first one ace and then another, sister ace had found her brother.
I threw all my cash into the pile.
But the dealer said "It's fifty more, sorry son, but this is war,
this is where the big boys do or die."
Now my pair of ones don't look so hot, I let the dealer take the pot.
He laughed 'cause all he had was one king high.

If anybody calls I'll be in Palookaville. Call me a palooka, call me what you will.
Palookaville, where brains run small, luck is slim to none at all.
I'll be in Palookaville if anybody calls.

I stumbled out into the street, Lady Luck was smelling less than sweet
and I ran into a woman I once knew.
Well, she looked much bigger than she did when we used to practice making kids
So I said "Hey, Bertha! When's the baby due?"
Right then and there I knew that I was too late for an alibi.
She blocked the road and would not let me pass.
She said "Hey, Palooka, you little man. I've got no baby in my plans.
You better run before I kick your skinny ass.

If anybody calls I'll be in Palookaville. Call me Mr. Guilty, call me what you will.
Palookaville, it's way down south where people live with foot in mouth.
I'll be in Palookaville if anybody calls.

I snuck into the nearest bar far from Bertha's deadly charms
and drank a couple double shots of scotch.
Pretty soon, before too long, I calculated kinda wrong
toppled off the stool and broke my watch.
What happened next is not quite clear, even after all these years
of swearing off the beer and all the booze.
I thought I heard somebody say, this ain't this guy's lucky day
just before he ran off with my shoes.

If anybody calls I'll be in Palookaville, being a palooka until I've had my fill.
Palookaville, not far away -- off off off Broadway.
I'll be in Palookaville if anybody calls.

I woke up face down at the curb like Shoeless Joe, as it were,
when whom of all people should I meet?
Yes, it was mighty Bertha going home, overfed and overgrown
and she kicked me in the head repeatedly.
She stopped just long enough to say, "this sure ain't your lucky day.
If I were pregnant could I kick this hard?"
And to prove the point she let one go that drove me deep into the snow
right back here to Palooka Park.

If anybody calls I'll be in Palookaville. Call a palooka, call me what you will.
Palookaville, it's way down south where people live with foot in mouth.
I'll be in Palookaville if anybody calls.


She's a Little Bit

I can't believe everything I hear, every little thing she whispers in my ear.
She wears her heart out on her sleeve, begs to stay and swears she will leave.

Ch. She's a little bit this side of crazy, she's a little bit that side of gone.
She's a measure of madness and mystery, but she's every bit of heaven to me.

Her mind says no when her heart says yes. Where she's going I can only guess.
She follows me around like a cat at sea, craving scraps of company.

The door is open and the lights are on, once again I find her gone.
Here's another goodby note, goodby again that's all she wrote.

I never know when she'll climb into my bed with the moon in her eyes.
One sweet night, that's all I need - a little bit of crazy love steeped in mystery.


Those Three Shepherds

Have you seen those three shepherds who left their flock upon the hill?
They faded on a midnight clear, on a night that was so still.
There are some who say those shepherds went following a star,
not content like us to wait and watch it from afar.

Have you heard those three shepherds saw an angel of the Lord
who told them that in Bethlehem a child king is born?
Well, no one has seen an angel in a thousand barren years,
and now our shepherd boys do claim that they've seen one way out here.

This must be the thanks we get for teaching them our shepherd ways.
We showed them how to find a path, how to gather in the strays.
We taught them to be vigilant, to listen for the cry
of the lamb who falls into the thorns, its mother helpless at its side.

Have you heard those three shepherds were sleeping in a barn,
taking turns and keeping Mary's baby from all harm?
And one by one they held the child and looked into his eyes
that were deeper than the ocean and brighter than the skies.

Have you heard those three shepherds came home yesterday?
Joined their flock upon the hill, and not one lamb had strayed.
Now they kneel upon the mountain, underneath the star
That shines upon the child king who lives within their hearts.


Camelia

Camelia knows how hard we try
to capture the attention of the girls who come our way.
She says don't be so quick to surrender,
without giving it a shot and calling our their names.
But Camelia is more patient than we will ever be,
she knows that love will come eventually.

Ch. Camelia's good for the bashful boys
because she can't have the one she loves.
She smiles at us and winks at us,
we all know she thinks of us as
strong and silent men preparing for the world.
She loves us all so very much, sometimes she gently touches us
but Camelia is in love with somebody else's girl.

Camelia buys her clothes where we do
when they have her color and when they have her size.
No one has to tell her
that she's looking more and more like one of the guys.
But Camelia is bolder than we will ever be.
She knows her power will come eventually.

Camelia knows we know her secret,
how she touches up her hair when her love passes by,
how she watches from a distance,
how she looks beyond the boy to catch his girlfriend's eye.
And Camelia has a beauty they will never see,
she knows her time will come eventually.


Down the Road

There lived a prophet in the desert close by heaven's door.
He could close his eyes and clearly see what the future held in store.
Yes, he could spy what was to come, where others could not look -
his story saved by lesser men in some old dusty book.
Well, I'm no prophet bearing wisdom, I will never have that gift,
and you won't see me win the race that goes to the strong and to the swift.

Ch. Down the road I will stand, a simple loving man.
I'll be the one who's calling out your name.

I knew a mystic who lived alone, I saw him once in town.
He waited 'til the streets were clear to set his burden down.
He was wise and he knew things that others did not know.
But he could not bring himself to step where you or I might go.

The prophet and the mystic never learned like I did
the proper way to keep a child warm,
or how to soothe away your fears as you travel down the road.

My momma still listens to me when I call her late at night.
And my father's gentle spirit has always been a guiding light.
So when your heroes rise above you, and the wise men leave you cold,
when your lover leaves you standing there with nothing left to hold,
remember I have learned like my folks did, that know one will ever know
a finer way to love a child than to be there down the road.


Let's Say Good Night

It is so good to see you - let's take a little walk to the edge of the lake,
talk about tomorrow while we're still awake
and hold hands, like we used to do.

But leave your little brother home, give my love to your mother and your father, too
gotta give credit where the credit is due
and we'll hold hands, like they used to do.

Nothing against your little brother he's just swell.
He doesn't drink or gamble and he learns his lessons well.
He shoots a better game of pool than many older men,
but he knows the facts of life too well for a boy of ten.
So let's hold hands, like we used to do.

How much time has flown since we sang out of tune at the top of the night,
made love in the morning by a distant light?
Let's say good night, like we used to do.

We'll let nature take its course, and we will stroll by the water so casually
with the cool embrace of a sunset breeze.
And we'll say good night, like we used to do.

Nothing against your little brother, he's a gas.
He combs his hair and he always cuts the grass.
He reads a lot, carries a handkerchief,
answers to his name, but when it's time to leave
we'll just say "Beat it, kid!" like we used to do.

How much time has flown since we sang out of tune at the top of the night,
made love in the morning by a distant light?
Let's say good night, like we used to do.